So…I have been reading some of the “Freshly Pressed” posts the last couple of days and it has caused me to wonder about my own foray into this medium.

I said I want to be a writer – but I’m not.  That much is obvious when you compare my posts to those of many others’ I have read.  I feel like I have a story to write; perhaps I just need a good editor.  My best editor already has a full-time job, though!

I thought I was a pretty decent writer; however, as I really look back on my history, my best writing was scientific and not creative or memoir-style which is where my interest currently lies.  I looked at the option of taking a couple of classes, both online and in person.  They are not, currently, financially feasible, so they will have to wait.

I guess, in the meantime, practice is my best option.  A class would probably consist of quite a bit of practice as well.  The primary difference would be the feedback.  I could probably get quite a bit more feedback on here but I haven’t really publicized the link.  I think  I am afraid both of not being good enough and being too vulnerable as I find my voice. Perhaps I will become less afraid as I go on…as I practice.

It occurs to me that I might also become more confident as I work through the negative stories of my life and I am able to move on to the more positive memories and experiences.  I am trying to get there – there just seems to be so much “crap” for me to deal with first.  But my life hasn’t been all – or even mostly – bad.  It just seems, as with everything else, the bad rises to top-of-mind.  The negative experiences seem to create deeper brain ‘ruts’ than the positive experiences.  Just like it’s easier to believe the negative things people say about/to you than it is the nice things.  Once you’re in a rut, literally or metaphorically, it’s tough to get out.

To refer to an earlier post, I think that’s where compulsion takes over. The inability to get out of a rut.  I’m not 100% sure when addiction takes over. but I’m convinced that compulsion and addiction are attempts to “fill-in” those ruts and find a way out!

In answer to my own question – Am I a real blogger?  I think so.  I am definitely on a learning curve – both with blogging and writing in general.  I think there’s a good blog within me – just as I think there is a book in my history somewhere.  It might take me some time to find my voice.  Everything good takes time, right?